Look down...

As a child, I was playing along side the baseball field in downtown Washington DC where my dad was playing ball, looking at flowers in the grass and eating a hot dog. I was probably about ten at that time. A person who appeared to be homeless, walked up to me, pointed at my hot dog and made a grunting noise. So I threw my hot dog to him and ran toward my mom only a few feet away. It scared me.

On another occasion, (when I was a bit older) I was sitting with a girlfriend outside the Broadway Cafe in Westport, sipping lattes’ in the sunshine. We were chatting about boys, laughing, and watching the people walk by. I smiled and said hello to a homeless man that was passing.  (If you know me, I smile and say hello to everyone.) But, when our eyes met, I saw the anger in him, before I felt it. He looked me in the eye and threw an orange juice can at my head. I ducked and it smashed against the coffee shop window. It was scary. 


I just looked down until he walked away.

Then there was the time I was walking back to my hotel in New York City after a business meeting, and someone was relieving himself, on the sidewalk in front of us, and smiling, gesturing at us. 


I looked down.

And finally the time, I was driving and I smiled at someone who looked homeless, crossing the street. He was angry too… and banged on the hood of my car, and cussed at me, and gestured. 


I looked down until the light turned green.

___

I thought of these things, as I walked from my car to the mission in downtown Kansas City. I stepped off the sidewalk where a number of homeless folks were resting in the shade chattering amongst themselves. They were everywhere, on the walks, on the streets, in front of the front door, in the parking lot. It was a hot day and the mission was about to open the doors, to feed them. I was there to volunteer.

“Hello.” I said quietly to the air, (but honestly I was hoping none of them heard me. )


I was looking down.


I wanted to look at them and smile, but based on my history, I was kind of afraid. Let’s face it, when you have had some less than pleasant moments with certain people, it’s not easy to forget.

So what was I doing there? I was there to walk through my fear and love and serve them.

Thanks to the Lord, I have had the amazing blessing of knowing a handful of people in my life, who once lived on the streets. I have become friends with them and even shared in some of their life journeys. My friends, for various reasons in their lives, found themselves on the streets for long periods of time, most of them lost, hopeless, stuck in the rut of the addiction cycle. Each of them lacked the ability to get off the street without the grace and power of God and the loving hands and hearts of people around them who took the time and the chance to the put down their judgments, fears and lack of understanding, and just smile at them, talk to them and love them.

I recently read a book about a couple that had the courage to do just that. It was called, “The Same Kind of Different as Me,” It is an amazing story of two people who were able to overcome personal judgments to offer real friendship, time and love to those less fortunate than themselves. And their story doesn’t stop there, because God works in amazing ways. The man who is homeless in the story helps this couple too.

____

Today, I am excited and nervous to be at the Mission. Part of me, knows that people are people no matter what their condition, and in some ways I am far more comfortable with someone down and out, than someone holier than though.

But, would they accept me today? And how could I be the most authentic to them? How would they know that I have been down and out too-- in my own ways? How could I just show them I am there to respect them and be friendly? I guess I truly hoped that these people would see my heart and not see me as someone coming there to “fix things” or “feel good.”

As I entered and was given an apron and some duties, making salads, setting tables, and pouring water, I could hear the commotion in the chapel. There was a fight and  two people were asked to leave. 


"Bunch of hungry guys," the man said in the kitchen.


His name was Mike, and he was teasing me, and telling me the lay of the land.

“And you get to sit down and eat with them too, you know.”

(Well that was new news for me.)

When dinner was ready, the first crowd came in. There were two shifts. The first shift was a crowd of about 60 men, who had enrolled in the program to develop a relationship with God, get out of their addictions and off the street. Although, they were still living on the street, they were going to 12 step programs and meeting at the Mission to surrender their lives to the Lord, and learn about how to move forward in healthy ways.

I finished serving plates, and grabbed one myself. I was the only woman in the place. I moved toward a table near the center of the room and asked politely if I could join them. They said yes. I sat down.


"Hello." 


It was a bit awkward for all of us.

(Oh man, we got the church lady at our table.) 


(I am pretty intuitive.)

So I let it be silent awhile and then said, “So what are you guys interested in... you know, like what are your hobbies?” 


They kind of looked at me funny.

And (for the record) I did realize after it came out of my mouth, that it was kind of a strange question to ask a bunch of homeless guys.

Silence.

(gulp.)


More silence.

I was trying to change the question to make it more relevant, without making it worse, but then I decided to take their lead, and just shut up. (I am intuitive remember.)

More silence.

And then the guy across from me cracked a smile.

“I like photography,” he said.

“I like to play guitar,” said another.

“I don’t have much of any,” said yet another.

One man grunted and left the table.

One man at the table didn’t answer the question, never looked up, and just kept eating his food.

“I like painting,” I said.

And for the rest of our meal we never stopped talking. Soon I knew their names, what type of photography Otto liked, what music Josh could play, how he learned to play guitar, and even Kent and the man on my left who never told me his name was talking.

Soon I had another crazy question for them.

“So what do you do in this heat?” I asked them.

“Read the Bible in the library.” One said.

“Find any place with air conditioning.” laughed another.

And then the man who was silent, just laughed out loud, still eating his food and looking down. (But he was smiling now.)

Soon they were asking me questions too. What did I paint? What were my hobbies? What was I doing there that day?

It was fun. And we sat and talked well after our plates were empty. When it was time to wrap up, I was sad our dinner was over.

"Time for the next part," one said. 


The same guys from my table, joined me to serve the crowd that was about to come in.

“Now you are in for the big surprise young lady,” one of the men told me. “You are about to encounter 100 very impatient and hungry men.”

This was an experience for me. The 100 men piled in loudly and I joined a procession of homeless (in the Mission program,) feeding the homeless (that were not in the program.) 


I was advised you could not waste any time, or serve someone out of line. There was a definite method to this. And it was remarkable. There were about 20 of us, moving food out of the kitchen to them as fast as possible.

And they were right. Those guys were hungry.

At one point, I was asked to hand out ice cream, which was in small containers in a big box, and that was tough. Many of the men would claim (right after I handed them one) that they didn’t get one. But, many of the men were very kind, and told me I was doing a good job and thanked me. Like anything, there was a mix of people there, some looked high or drunk, and others seemed completely sober and couldn’t be more polite or kind to me.

At the end of the meal, we prayed together to thank God for the opportunity to serve the Lord and reach out to others around us.

By now the room was empty. 


I took off my apron, said goodbye to Mike, and headed out to my car, a group of guys were sitting at a table chattering and smoking cigarettes. (Many of them, recipients of the awkward hobby question.)

As I walked by, they waived immediately with smiles, and yelled, “Goodbye Pam!”


"Goodbye," I smiled and waived.

Do you know how wonderful it was to be accepted by them? 


(I can’t wait to get back there.)

We all have our obstacles, our crossroads, our roadblocks and our seasons of hardship-- and in turn, we all have the ability to reach others in their seasons of hardship. 


We all want to be loved and accepted in life, and we all have the ability to love and accept one another. 


We all want to be respected and considered by others, and we can respect and consider others.


We all have the love of our Lord and the ability to love one another in His name.


Let's do that.

Join us for our next trip to the KC Rescue Mission, December 9, 2011. 5:30-7:00pm. It’s an amazing experience.